Friends

It is amazing what you can learn from your friends and the people around you. I have had some rather extraordinary friends in my life and every time I think of what I have learned from each of them I am humbled to have been so blessed.  There are those friends for life that I can call up at a moment’s notice and are always there with a non-judgmental ear. They are friends that take me as I am even when I am not perfect. Then there are those friends that I meet in passing and they didn’t really stick around long however they have taught me something that has changed my life. It’s as though they come into my life and instill a life lesson and they are gone.

We never know when we may touch someone’s life; it could be in an instant when we say something that is an answer to another person prayer or something that someone needed to hear. Many times we don’t even realize the impact we have. We should never underestimate our ability to touch someone’s life, because we can influence and lift someone every day.

My life is filled with people that I have come to love and admire; friends that I don’t know what I would do without. We all need each other; we are all struggling to find our way and we shouldn’t be struggling alone. What a great difference a smile or a kind word can make in someone’s life. You never know when you just might be an answer to someone’s prayer. Many of my friends, whether for life or just a brief moment, have been answers to my prayers.

Thanks to all those friends who have always been there and love me even when I fall short at times. Thanks to all those friends that have only been in my life for a brief time and have left foot prints on my heart.  

This Past School Year

If you were to ask me how last year went I would say that it was my hardest year by far when it comes to teaching. By the end of the school year I was burnt out and exhausted.  It has been two weeks now that I have been out of school and I still have not recovered. I remember that last day thinking “Oh my goodness, I don’t know how I did it but I survived the year.”  I don’t know if I can do another year like that again. I thought about all sorts of other options, working in a law office, becoming a private teacher, going back and getting my masters in math and curriculum so I can create math curriculum. When I went to school to be a teacher they don’t really teach all that is involved.  My first two years I had a lot of support, I had a great mentor who was next to me every step of the way, I felt lost those two years but there was always someone to fall back on. This year my mentor moved to another school, though I could call her anytime for help it was not the same.  

We also got a new principal and assistant principal and  so the expectations were different and some of the new expectations I was expected to know and understand however I had never really learned, so I felt a little lost and inadequate at times. I think the hardest expectation for me is to analyze data. I had done a lot of analyzing my first/second year however I looked at whole class and analyzed data from the whole class. This last year we were to analyze each student’s test and know where each student was struggling and I had 105+ students and it took me two days to correct the test and about a week to analyze each student’s test.  Then I created warm-ups and review sheets to help students master what they were struggling with. By the end I was so tired and exhausted and just plain worn out. I thought several times that if I work this hard I am sure that there is some other job that I could work just as hard and make much more money.  I wasn’t really teaching anymore just surviving.

My passion is teaching and when all I am doing is study guides and warm-ups I didn’t really want to be a teacher any longer. I guess I never have had the passion for reviewing and paper. I feel that real teaching is involved and individual; everyone is learning and being inspired in their own learning style. In order to have a learning environment you need to have a classroom where exploration is encouraged through games, movement, discussion and real life connections.

This past year I was also asked to be the 5^th grade team leader. I tried my best however I would have done so much better if I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I felt that I lead my team astray at times because I just didn’t know what I was doing. They were always very patent and understanding and now all I can do if laugh about all the silly mistakes I made. I worked with a great team.  I hope to get a chance to be a team leader again when I am more experienced and can offer more to a team.

There is only one way to look at this past year. I can do so much better next year. I surely learned a lot this year. I always seem to learn the most in hard situations. I am going to spend most of the summer preparing for the coming year, so I am ready for what will be thrown my way.

BEING A MOM

As a mother I often wonder if I am doing this right. I see how other parents are with their children and I want so badly to be a good mother. I often forget that I have only been a mother for a year and a half. I still have a lot to learn. I am hard on myself because I feel that because I am a teacher I should naturally know what to do. I never really had a great example from my own parents so I look around at what looks good and works for others and then try to implement it in my own life and when I see something better that is working well for someone else I try to change so that I can be the best parent I can be.

Today I was reading an article about children that have been adopted at an older age. It was very enlightening.  It really helped explain some things about my son that I did not understand are normal for children who are adopted at an older age. The article was called “Give Them Three Years” by Tami Razvi and Imran Razvi. It explained that children adopted at an older age are not at their developmental age and that as adopted parents we need to allow them to grow into their new life. Any child that has been “in need of a family, has gotten to that point only after experiencing some major trauma in his life.” The article went on to say that we adopted parents have expectations and when we see a 7 year old, or a 9 year old in my case, we expect them to act and respond in a manner that a 7 or 9 year old child should they may act younger and we need to allow them three years. What was interesting to me is the article suggested that these children need to go through an infant stage. First the child is not going to respond with love and gratitude. I remember before he came into my life, the family before me said that he has no attachment to anything and anyone. How true that was, he really didn’t feel connected to anything or anyone. He is getting better. Second, “parents should expect that their will be some things that happen in public in front of both friends and strangers that could be embarrassing because the child looks too old for that type of behavior.” Oh my goodness this happens all of the time. This is actually the hardest thing for me and it was good to hear that it is normal for children that have been adopted at an older age. I really get on my son a lot about his behavior in front of other people. Most times he is great when it is just he and I but you put other people into the mix than it is a whole new story. Sometime it can turn out to be dreadful.  Finally “infant type behaviors need to be allowed.” It is hard for me to allow my son to have infant behaviors. He has all the fears and anxieties of a younger child, in many instances he acts very young. The article said to give him three years and he will grow into his age he just needs to go through this infant stage. I am hoping that is correct. If it is I have another year and a half left. I have seen great changes already.  

I know that my son has been through a lot in his life. There are many things that I don’t even know about. Just moving from family to family has caused much trauma in his life. When life gets hard he wants a new family or he thinks I am going to give him up. I guess I can’t blame him for that, when life got really hard he moved to another family. I remember when my mom could not take care of him any longer he would go back home with my sister and when she couldn’t handle him he would go back to my moms. He jumped back and forth between my mom and my sister and about four years ago my brother and sister-in-law took him and because they had younger children they could not keep him. That is when the family before me got him. The family is an aunt of my sister-in-law. They had 6 other children all older than my son. He struggled there for many different reasons. When they could not handle him any longer I was called and they asked me to take him. I worked with this family and the State of Utah and he was here a week and a half later. My son has some rather large scars right now and those scars “must be healed in order for (him) to grow into a fully functional, healthy adult.” It is not going to happen overnight, nor is it going to happen in a year. It will take time and patience which sometimes I am limited especially when I am run down and tired. The reward in the end will be great if I do not give up, which is not in my nature.

Am I perfect mom? No, not at all, I fall short all of the time. I am trying to do the best I can with everything going on in life. I have been so blessed to have good people to help me be the best I can. Many have given me advice as I have come to them with questions and they have so kindly explained what works for them and how to implement it in my own life. It is not easy, but will it be worth it? Of course it will. Great things come when you take sacrifices to make them happen.