Christmas 2011

Christmas was very simple but grand. We really had a nice time with family and friends. This year was quite different from last year. Last year we did not have a tree and this year we were able to have a tree because of some very thoughtful people. One of my coworkers and friend had an extra tree and so we borrowed a tree from her family. Another friend from church brought over some ornaments. My son and I had a really great time decorating the tree; we made a whole evening out of it. We made a chain that went all around our tree. It was really a lot of fun setting it up and decorating.

My son got everything that he wanted and more. I tried to keep the real meaning of Christmas in my home. I really want my son to remember the the true meaning of Christmas so we did not make a big deal about Santa Claus and we talked a lot about Christ and why we celibate Christmas. I hope that he will carry it with him throughout the year and that we will be able to talk more and more about Christ and that he can have a greater understanding of the atonement, sacrifice and of course the birth of our Savior. It is not something that should only be remembered once a year.

For Christmas Eve we went to Galveston for Stroganoff for dinner. It tasted wonderful; it happens to be my favorite meal. Christmas we opened presents at our house then went to church. Church was really great, we had a wonderful message about the savior filled with beautiful music and so sacrament was filled with the Spirit of Christmas. After I went and took some gifts to some young women that were not at church and headed to Galveston and we opened our presents there. Then we spent the day relaxing, we stayed the night and my son was sleeping by 7:30pm, and I got to stay up and visit with my aunt and uncle. It was a lovely day. Then next day cousins came down and the kids played all day and I read most of the day and did some thinking about life and how blessed I have been.

This year we sent out Christmas Cards and we got a ton back which was really exciting. It was great to see how everyone was doing. It really seems that everyone is doing well, we all are having our struggles but we are all managing. It really made me grateful for what I have and that I am not alone. We are all dealing with things they may not be the same but no one is free of trials. It was really nice to hear from so many people and to see how they are doing?

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and that they were able to feel the true meaning of Christmas. I surely know that I really felt the true meaning of Christmas this year.

Top 10 moments of 2011

The Ferrin Family

Our TOP 10

moments of 2 0 1 1

10

I was called into the Young Women. I love the sisters I serve with. We have a lot of work to do but anything is possible if you believe. I have come to love the young women and am excited to see what the year will bring; hopefully great things.

9

I endured my first year as a mom and I am still alive and so is my son with only a few bumps and bruises. The first few months were an adjustment. Being a mom has helped me look at life in a completely new and exciting way. I love being a mom.

8

This summer when we were not traveling we had the opportunity to visit most of the museums and sites in Houston. My son had his friend came along so he would have someone to enjoy the sites with. Their favorite was the Space Museum.

7

I am teaching Fifth Grade Math again this year. I have four classes, each very different from the other. I was asked to be the Fifth Grade Head Chairman this year. It has brought on a whole new stress level; however we are managing quite well.

6

My son started guitar lessons in October and is doing rather well. He was given a guitar from Grandpa and Grandma and he is always playing it and showing me all the fun things he is learning.

5

We bought a new car in April. After researching and considering the different options we finally settled on a Mazda CX-7. It was within our budget and we love everything about it. It has been a great relief to know that we have a dependable car.

4

My son got on A/B Honor Role the last nine-weeks. He loves his classes however he has a tendency to talk a little too much. His teachers have been wonderful with him and are very patient and a great help.

3

We drove to St. George for a few days to celebrate my son's birthday; than drove to Salt Lake City for three weeks, we visited family and enjoyed sites. Stopped in New Mexico to visited family, stayed longer then expected. We had such a great time

2

My son's adoption was finalized on July 12, 2011, it was one of the greatest experiences I have had. Everyone should adopt. My son changed his name and he is rather proud of his new name.

1

We have enjoyed being with family and friends throughout the year. We are grateful for all the kindness and prayers that each of you have shared in our behalf. We hope each of you have a wonderful Christmas. We love you.

Thoughts

Sometimes I think of the past and think "could I have been that selfish" or "was I that involved in myself that I missed some of the greatest opportunities to share with some of my dearest friends?" Wow it is humbling to think of all the special memories I missed out on because I was too busy doing something else, worrying about things that did not mean near as much as spending an extra minute here and there with a friend. I always have so much on my mind, doing this and that, helping this person or that person. When what I needed to do is STOP and slow down and mentally not only physically be with the people I hold dear to my heart. I spend so much time thinking and worrying about the next thing I have to do, the next bill, the next math activity, the next training, the next... the list goes on and on. How many opportunities I have let pass by because I am not mentally in the present but rather thinking about the past or more often thinking about the future. I never meant for those I loved and cared about to think that I don't care about them or that they are of little importance. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change things; there surely would be many things that I would need to change. All I can do is learn and try not to do the same now. At least I am aware of my weakness the difficultly is actually changing. Yes I see where I am deficient the question is how do I change. I guess I have to start with a desire and that desire will work within me and with time and patience I will be better at stopping and slowing down and being more available emotionally and mentally to those that I really care about. I do care about people I just don't show it they way that I should, by listening and understanding. I am always so quick to give advice or to put my two cents in. How selfish I can be at time? That is something I am going to work on this year to be more available for those I care about and to focus more on what they are saying and not what I want to say in response to what they are saying. Most people just need someone to listen not someone to tell them what to do and how to do it.

Live Life

I was doing some thinking this evening and talking with a friend. I have really felt free to live my life the last few months. I have forgotten what it feels like to live your life. I have spent so much time waiting for things to happen and because of that I have missed out on some great opportunities. I don't know what happened, I just woke up one day and decided that I did not want to waist any more time waiting for life to happen. If we sit around and wait for things to come they will never come and life will go on without us and we will miss a great opportunities will be missed because we are waiting and not doing.

Things happen for a reason in our lives. Sometimes we may not understand why things are the way they are however whenever we look back on life experiences we thought we would never get through and we made it through and we are better people for it. Life can be very interesting.

What Matters Most

I spoke on What Matters Most on Sunday.

There seems to be so much that matters to me. I have been so very blessed in my life. The thing that matters most would be my relationship with my Heavenly Father. There have been so many times in my life that I didn't have anyone else to depend on except him. I also know that my life is the way it is because he loved me so much to lead me to certain people and places where I was able to get the help that I needed. My relationship with Heavenly Father at times has not been the greatest because of my own selfishness and pride. There have also been times that I have depended on other people to help me more, when I should have been depending on Heavenly Father more. How prideful we can be at times. I sure have had my share of pride. Sometimes I feel I know what is best for me when in-fact it may not be the best.

The second thing that is most important to me is my son. I can't tell you how important he is in my life. I know that raising children and teaching them the best ways is what matters more then anything worldly. How having a family of your own changes your view of what is most important? I have never really had good examples of making the family the first priority, however I have learned from watching others families and leader that I have admired that family has to come before the worldly things. Yes, it is important to have a job so that you can support your family and survive but in the end the thing that matters most is that you have time to spend with your family letting them know that you love them. I try every day to spend valuable time with my son. There are times that things are so crazy that the only time we get together is sitting and reading for 1/2 hour and working on homework. I think that reading time and study time with my son has become the most enjoyable time. It is a time that is relaxing and a time that we are together and all my attention in on him giving him what he needs. I also love that he will tell me stories about his day and talk about what is going on in his life. When he is older those times are the ones I am going to remember. Those are going to be the times that I look back on.

The third thing that matters is other people. Being able to serve others is a wonderful blessing. It has been something that I have always loved doing. It really helps me when I am feeling down. It gives us great power when we are willing to serve others. I have been greatly blessed when I have had the opportunity to help someone else. One of the great things that service does for me is get my mind off myself and helps me to be more grateful for what I have.

There are so many things that matter in my life. It is just what I decide is more important, what are priorities. I try to keep my priorities in check, however there are times I slip up and do something less important because I am tired or just feel I deserve a break. I am learning however that life is moving so fast that we really don't have to take a break. We need to continually moving forward, if we are not we will be left behind.

Moving to Texas

Trusting inspiration even when it does not make since, seems to be the story of my life. I can't say how many times I have received inspiration that made very little since and as I followed it great things happened.

Moving to Texas is one of those things that I did not want to do and did anyway because it felt right. I knew that if I moved to Texas that I would be very successful. I just had this really good feeling that I could find a job and that my life would eventually smooth out to something great. The hardest part about moving was leaving the people I loved behind. I came to Texas no matter how much I did not want to leave those that I cared about and I had come to depend on, I still left. Two weeks after I got to Texas I lost everything in Ike. It was a bit of a shock. I tried my best to be strong however there were times that I was not as strong as others thought I was. I tried to look at the positive side which helped me get through it in the end. I just figure that God wanted me not only to start in a new place but he wanted me to start completely over and to depend on him. I really didn't have much as so I had no other choice than to humble myself and let others help me. I look back now and I see all the miracles that came from the move and loosing everything. I have received far more then I ever lost.

Since the move to Texas I have thought long and hard about going back to New York, and every time I do I get this uneasy feelings. This feeling that it would not be the right thing to do. I can't tell you what my life would have been like if I stayed there. It may have turned out just fine however things would have been different. I also don't think that it would have been very easy to get a job as a teacher and I would have probably gone back to school to get my masters because I couldn't find a job. Maybe I wouldn't have been prepared to be a mother. I don't really know for sure what would have happened there are so many directions a life can take. Every step we take, takes us down a certain path and the little steps matter just as much as the big ones.

The Adoption

July 12, 2011

We had been in Utah for about two weeks and things went smoothly. My sister gave up her parental rights. She later told me that she was thinking about not giving custody, until she saw the two of us together and she knew that she no longer had a relationship with him. Which in itself was another miracle of going to Utah. After she gave up her parental right the lawyer called and we set up a time to meet with the judge. The day that was set up to meet the judge was July 12, 2011. We got to the the courtroom at about 10:15 and the family that had my son before he got to me came and my sister-in-law came. I met with the lawyer and we went into the court room. My son was a little nervous and at the same time really excited. The judge came in and the adoption lasted about ten minutes. I answered all the questions and the judge declared me the legal parent of my son. We changed my sons name to Ferrin and he was very exited about that. After the adoption the judge came down from the stand and we had the opportunity to take pictures with him. It was a very exciting day. I felt so relieved that no one could take him away. It was something I was a bit worried about and I think that is why I was so concerned that his mom could take him back and now I do not have the worry. Now my worry is whether I will be a good enough mother or not. I surely try but it is hard to be a single mom at times. The thing that I struggle with the most with adopting an older child is that he already has issues and he has already been trained by someone else on how to act and I need to retrain him. Of course I try to build on what he has already been taught but I am amazed at how much he really does need help. When I first got him the family before has such a hard time though I did not have issues the same as they did I still have days that I wonder what was I thinking and then I remember all the wonderful things that have come to me because I took the challenge of being a mom.

What we accomplished while in Utah?

Going to Utah was not in my summer plans and when I decided to go I was not looking forward to going. I had been trying to get a hold of the lawyer for two months and she was not calling me back and I was getting a bit worried about the adoption. I knew that if my son was not adopted by the end of the summer that it would be very difficult to do it during the year. I also had a feeling that everything wasn't right. At first I thought that I just had to be patient and wait for a miracle to happen and well that was not the right thing to do in this situation I needed to work hard to make it possible. Sometimes there are things in our lives that just happen and we wonder how could it have happened so quickly and so perfectly and we didn't have to do anything at all. Then there are other times that we have to work hard to make things happen. Getting my son was one of those don't have to do anything and everything just happens situations. Well the making the adoption final was a little different. I had to follow the spirit and work hard to make sure that what needed to happen, happened.

I was driving back from Houston and I got this overwhelming feeling that I needed to go to Utah. I just was hoping it was just a thought but it would not go away and then I knew that it was what I needed to do and I went to institute and the feeling would not go away and so I left about 8 hours later. My sister just happened to have a friend in New Mexico that needed a ride back to St. George. He was willing to pay 1/2 of my trip up and so I jumped on that opportunity. It was kind of a miracle. We drove all night and into the day and all night and 33 hours later I was in St. George. Before I left I called the lawyer and told her that I was going to be in Utah and that I wanted to meet with her when I got there. She called me back about an hour later; she asked me why I was coming to Utah and I told her that I was a bit concerned that I had been calling her and she had not called me back. She informed me that she had been calling my sister and she could not get a hold of her. I asked her to call my sister in about 5 minutes after I got off the phone and I would call my sister to let her know that she was calling and so my sister and the lawyer where able to catch each other. They set some things up. When I got to St. George the lawyer called me and she said that she will get things set up for my sister to sign her parental rights away. I made an appointment to meet with her in about four days from the time I got there. The lawyers office was in Provo and so I needed to drive up there.

I stayed in St. George until the morning of my meeting. The lawyer called while I was driving to Provo to meet her at 2:30pm and she informed me that my sister would be appearing before the judge to sign her rights away at 2:00pm that day so by the time I got to the lawyers office the papers should be signed. So I got to the lawyers office and she signed the papers and the lawyer was wonderful. She asked how long I would be around and I told her that I would be around as long as she needed. She said that she might be able to get me in to see a judge and we could finalize the adoption before I left back to Texas. I could hardly believe that it was that easy. She called me a few day later and said that she set up a time to meet with the judge. I met with the lawyer the day before and they explained what would go on in the court room and some of the questions that would be asked. I felt very prepared. The next day I went to the court room and met the judge and before I knew it the adoption was final and I was legally a mom.

e left for Utah and less then two days later we were in Utah. I got in about 9am and the lawyer called about 2 hours later. I had called her and told her that I was going to be in Utah and that I would like to meet with her. She asked me why I was coming to Utah and I told her that I had been trying to get a

To Utah We Go!

Over the summer I was hoping to make my way to New York to see some dear friends and when I realized how much it would cost I decided to stay in Texas and take my son to all the museums in Houston. I bought citi-passes for my son a friend of my son's and myself and we explored Houston. It was really quite fun and it kept us very busy. We went to all sort of different places. The space museum at NASA then the aquarium which we played in a whole lot of water. We went to the zoo and explore all the fun animals. We went to the children's museum, the museum of natural history, and art museum. I took my son to see the symphony which I loved and he did to, which I was a bit surprised by. Utah was not in the plan at all. One afternoon we were driving home from the North Side of Houston and I got this feeling that I should go to Utah, and I thought to myself NO WAY! The last thing I wanted to do was go to Utah and if I did plan to go anywhere it would be New York. The feeling was so strong and it would not go away, then I knew that it was very important for me to go, and that moment I did not know how important. I prayed and really pondered and the feeling just would not leave me. I talked to my son about going and he was really excited, however I was a little nervous. Sometimes it is difficult to follow impressions especially when you can't see the whole picture. It takes trust and faith and I knew that my family in Galveston would think that I was crazy for getting up and going. To be honest, it I had not received such a powerful impression I would have thought I was crazy too. I packed all my sons things and my things and we left at about 12:00am and drove to New Mexico picked someone at 4:00pm and we drove the rest of the way to Utah and got there about 9:00am. The drive took us about 30 hours. It was such a very long drive and I was grateful we did not have an accident. My son was an amazing little boy and he was so pleasant to drive with. It is difficult to stay occupied in a car for 30 hours and he did a very good job, probably far better then I would have done if I was his age.

The process of buying a car

Buying a car for me was a huge thing. I got out of debt, besides my student loans, in October of 2010 and so getting a car was hard because I didn't want to get a back into debt once again. I had a car, but it had some serious problems and I was afraid that one day it would be die and I would never be able to revive it. I thought about buying a car for months before I actually bought one. I research different cars and different ways of financing a car. I talked with financial counselors and bank attendants about the best way to finance a car. Of course banks wanted me to go through them and credit unions wanted me to go through them and so I looked at the interest and I talked to a few people I knew at church who were financially smart. I decided the best way to go was through a credit union, and then I had to figure out what credit union I would go through. You would be amazed at all the different credit unions there are and they all seemed quite good. After a few weeks of looking at the options I decided to join The Gulf Coast Educators Credit Union. I am a teacher and it made since to go to a credit union that was especially for teacher. I think it was one of the greatest moves I ever made. I can't tell you how much more I like being part of a credit union then a bank. Once I got things settled there and a savings started I started looking at cars. I knew that I wanted a crossover, something that would be big enough to carry camping gear and a bike but small enough that I did not have to spend a fortune on gas. I test drove all sorts of crossovers but none of them were in my price range. Then I drove a Mazda CX-9 which I loved. It was a little bigger then what I wanted and it was a little out of my price range, not much but enough to not be interested. I got on line and started looking around at different Mazda CX-9 to see if I could find on in my price range, while I was doing that I came across a Mazda CX-7 and it was in my price range and it was the size that I wanted. I didn't go out immediately and buy one. I went and spoke the financial counselor at the credit union and we talked about all the possibilities and I went home and thought about everything and then I went out and actually started test driving some CX-7s to make sure that it was really want I wanted. I waited about another month and after the month I was still interested and I went back to the credit union and got everything set up and I went on line and looked at all sorts of different CX-7 and I found one in the color that I wanted and I went and test drove it. When I had decided that was the CX-7 I wanted it, I took it in to be looked over by someone I trusted. I could not afford to buy a lemon, when everything checked out I went back, worked with the bank and the dealer, and I picked up the car two days later. I love it! It is a simple car but it looks nice and does the job I need it to do. Overall it took me about 5 months to get everything figured out and set up to buy a car because I was so nervous about getting back into debt and being taken advantage of and I am so grateful that I did because I learned a lot of great things. Don't ever finance with a car dealer, don't give a down payment, don't use a trade in on a car and the best way to finance a car is through a credit union.

The First Few Months

The first month of being a mom was an adventure. We did all sorts of different things. I got a lot of help from some great friends. My friend Sarah had a somewhat baby shower. She had a friend take Victor to main event where they went and played all sorts of games. I stayed back with the ladies and we had a good time, visiting and talking about what it was like to be a mom. I was a bit uncomfortable because so many things had changed in such a short time and I still had not adjusted and everyone was asking questions and I just didn't know how to react. I hope they did not think that I was ungrateful for all that they did, I truly was and I don't know what I would have done without them. I had only had my son for a few weeks and I still wasn't comfortable with being a mom yet.Everyone was so kind and supportive. I still felt like all of this was just a dream and I was going to wake up and it would all be over.

At school my co-workers and team got together and got a card for me and we ate cake balls and talked about what it is like being a mom. With the money from the card I got bedding and some toys for Victor. I was very grateful to them and their support. They gave me great advice on how to be a mom. I can't tell you how much I learned from them and how much their advice has helped me. I couldn't have done all that I have done without their support and advice when I had no idea what I was doing.

When my son got to me he was in third grade. That first week of school he was not doing very well at all and I could see that the curriculum was too hard for him and I spoke with his teacher and she felt the same. I could see that if he stayed in third grade he would struggle all year and in the end he would be held back. I spoke with the principal and classroom teacher about pulling my son down to second grade. I had to write up a proposal for the principal of why I felt that my son should be put down to second grade. The classroom teacher helped gather information and my son's previous school was helpful and after two weeks of going back and forth with the school and district we were able to get him into second grade. Looking back having him put into second grade did him a world of good, he was able to catch up and over the summer I was able to work with him and get him closer to where he needed to be. He was also able to build up confidence to where he felt as though he could be successful.

Attending church at first was a nightmare. Having been a single adult, I was so use to things being quiet and being able to listen to the speaker with no interruptions. My son had a very difficult time sitting still and he would blurt out how much he did not want to be there. There were times I was so embarrassed, I felt like everyone was watching me and judging me. After a few weeks of this, I sat my little boy down and we had a nice conversation and lesson on reverence and I told that him that sacrament meeting was the most important hour of the week and if he could not behave that after church he would have to sit in a hard chair at home for an hour. What he wanted was to be taken out of sacrament and when he realized that no matter what he did I was not going to take him out he started to finally settle down. Then I had to deal with him wanting to leave to go to the bathroom every week. I stopped that by having him go at the beginning of Sacrament and if he asked to go during I would not allow him to. At first I had The Friend for him to look through, however now he just sits and listens. I have to say I am very proud of him, he still gets a bit fidgety at times and I just remind him the importance of church, and it is normal for an eight year old to get a little board.

The first few months were really a learning experiences for my son and me. I saw miracles all the time. Those first few months we were getting to know each other and it was kind of fun.

A journey begins with a single step.

October 28, 2010 I am driving to the airport to meet my nephew who will be staying with me and I would be raising him. Two weeks before I was living my life as a single adult getting ready to move into a friends house so I could save up some money so I could travel around Europe for the upcoming summer. I got a call from my sister-in-law and we got talking and she said that things were not working out for my nephew in the family that he was being adopted by and she asked if there was any way that I would consider taking a child in and raising him as my own. I have always wanted to be a mom and so I did not hesitate, about an hour later I got a call from the adopting family and a social worker in Utah asking if I was serious about taking my nephew in as my own. I spoke with them for over two hours talking about possibilities and expectations. By the end of our conversation I was scared to death, I was going to be a mom much sooner than I had anticipated. I didn't know if I could really do it. My nephew, and now my son, was diagnosed with an attachment disorder and I was informed by that adopting family that it was serious and they shared with me some of the things they were struggling with in their home. I was driving to church and I was thinking about how I would be able to make a difference with a child that seemed to have some serious issues and the only experience I really had with children was as a teacher. I didn't know if I could make a difference and I was worried that if I couldn't make a difference that I would be stuck with a child that was abusive and hateful (which was my impression). To continue as I was driving to church I got this peaceful feeling that Heavenly Father could do far more for this little boy then any psychologist could ever do and that I needed to trust that this is all part of a greater plan. I knew then that everything would work out and a week and a half later I was driving home from the airport with a very cute young man that seemed a little scared but a little excited. To be honest I am not sure who was more scared my son or myself. Who would have known at that moment that I would come to love that young man as if he was mine and had always been mine.

If we let Heavenly Father build and create our lives we will discover that it is far better then we could have ever done on our own. What a blessing and miracle it is to be a mother?