Thoughts

Sometimes I think of the past and think "could I have been that selfish" or "was I that involved in myself that I missed some of the greatest opportunities to share with some of my dearest friends?" Wow it is humbling to think of all the special memories I missed out on because I was too busy doing something else, worrying about things that did not mean near as much as spending an extra minute here and there with a friend. I always have so much on my mind, doing this and that, helping this person or that person. When what I needed to do is STOP and slow down and mentally not only physically be with the people I hold dear to my heart. I spend so much time thinking and worrying about the next thing I have to do, the next bill, the next math activity, the next training, the next... the list goes on and on. How many opportunities I have let pass by because I am not mentally in the present but rather thinking about the past or more often thinking about the future. I never meant for those I loved and cared about to think that I don't care about them or that they are of little importance. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change things; there surely would be many things that I would need to change. All I can do is learn and try not to do the same now. At least I am aware of my weakness the difficultly is actually changing. Yes I see where I am deficient the question is how do I change. I guess I have to start with a desire and that desire will work within me and with time and patience I will be better at stopping and slowing down and being more available emotionally and mentally to those that I really care about. I do care about people I just don't show it they way that I should, by listening and understanding. I am always so quick to give advice or to put my two cents in. How selfish I can be at time? That is something I am going to work on this year to be more available for those I care about and to focus more on what they are saying and not what I want to say in response to what they are saying. Most people just need someone to listen not someone to tell them what to do and how to do it.