Live Life

I was doing some thinking this evening and talking with a friend. I have really felt free to live my life the last few months. I have forgotten what it feels like to live your life. I have spent so much time waiting for things to happen and because of that I have missed out on some great opportunities. I don't know what happened, I just woke up one day and decided that I did not want to waist any more time waiting for life to happen. If we sit around and wait for things to come they will never come and life will go on without us and we will miss a great opportunities will be missed because we are waiting and not doing.

Things happen for a reason in our lives. Sometimes we may not understand why things are the way they are however whenever we look back on life experiences we thought we would never get through and we made it through and we are better people for it. Life can be very interesting.

What Matters Most

I spoke on What Matters Most on Sunday.

There seems to be so much that matters to me. I have been so very blessed in my life. The thing that matters most would be my relationship with my Heavenly Father. There have been so many times in my life that I didn't have anyone else to depend on except him. I also know that my life is the way it is because he loved me so much to lead me to certain people and places where I was able to get the help that I needed. My relationship with Heavenly Father at times has not been the greatest because of my own selfishness and pride. There have also been times that I have depended on other people to help me more, when I should have been depending on Heavenly Father more. How prideful we can be at times. I sure have had my share of pride. Sometimes I feel I know what is best for me when in-fact it may not be the best.

The second thing that is most important to me is my son. I can't tell you how important he is in my life. I know that raising children and teaching them the best ways is what matters more then anything worldly. How having a family of your own changes your view of what is most important? I have never really had good examples of making the family the first priority, however I have learned from watching others families and leader that I have admired that family has to come before the worldly things. Yes, it is important to have a job so that you can support your family and survive but in the end the thing that matters most is that you have time to spend with your family letting them know that you love them. I try every day to spend valuable time with my son. There are times that things are so crazy that the only time we get together is sitting and reading for 1/2 hour and working on homework. I think that reading time and study time with my son has become the most enjoyable time. It is a time that is relaxing and a time that we are together and all my attention in on him giving him what he needs. I also love that he will tell me stories about his day and talk about what is going on in his life. When he is older those times are the ones I am going to remember. Those are going to be the times that I look back on.

The third thing that matters is other people. Being able to serve others is a wonderful blessing. It has been something that I have always loved doing. It really helps me when I am feeling down. It gives us great power when we are willing to serve others. I have been greatly blessed when I have had the opportunity to help someone else. One of the great things that service does for me is get my mind off myself and helps me to be more grateful for what I have.

There are so many things that matter in my life. It is just what I decide is more important, what are priorities. I try to keep my priorities in check, however there are times I slip up and do something less important because I am tired or just feel I deserve a break. I am learning however that life is moving so fast that we really don't have to take a break. We need to continually moving forward, if we are not we will be left behind.

Moving to Texas

Trusting inspiration even when it does not make since, seems to be the story of my life. I can't say how many times I have received inspiration that made very little since and as I followed it great things happened.

Moving to Texas is one of those things that I did not want to do and did anyway because it felt right. I knew that if I moved to Texas that I would be very successful. I just had this really good feeling that I could find a job and that my life would eventually smooth out to something great. The hardest part about moving was leaving the people I loved behind. I came to Texas no matter how much I did not want to leave those that I cared about and I had come to depend on, I still left. Two weeks after I got to Texas I lost everything in Ike. It was a bit of a shock. I tried my best to be strong however there were times that I was not as strong as others thought I was. I tried to look at the positive side which helped me get through it in the end. I just figure that God wanted me not only to start in a new place but he wanted me to start completely over and to depend on him. I really didn't have much as so I had no other choice than to humble myself and let others help me. I look back now and I see all the miracles that came from the move and loosing everything. I have received far more then I ever lost.

Since the move to Texas I have thought long and hard about going back to New York, and every time I do I get this uneasy feelings. This feeling that it would not be the right thing to do. I can't tell you what my life would have been like if I stayed there. It may have turned out just fine however things would have been different. I also don't think that it would have been very easy to get a job as a teacher and I would have probably gone back to school to get my masters because I couldn't find a job. Maybe I wouldn't have been prepared to be a mother. I don't really know for sure what would have happened there are so many directions a life can take. Every step we take, takes us down a certain path and the little steps matter just as much as the big ones.

The Adoption

July 12, 2011

We had been in Utah for about two weeks and things went smoothly. My sister gave up her parental rights. She later told me that she was thinking about not giving custody, until she saw the two of us together and she knew that she no longer had a relationship with him. Which in itself was another miracle of going to Utah. After she gave up her parental right the lawyer called and we set up a time to meet with the judge. The day that was set up to meet the judge was July 12, 2011. We got to the the courtroom at about 10:15 and the family that had my son before he got to me came and my sister-in-law came. I met with the lawyer and we went into the court room. My son was a little nervous and at the same time really excited. The judge came in and the adoption lasted about ten minutes. I answered all the questions and the judge declared me the legal parent of my son. We changed my sons name to Ferrin and he was very exited about that. After the adoption the judge came down from the stand and we had the opportunity to take pictures with him. It was a very exciting day. I felt so relieved that no one could take him away. It was something I was a bit worried about and I think that is why I was so concerned that his mom could take him back and now I do not have the worry. Now my worry is whether I will be a good enough mother or not. I surely try but it is hard to be a single mom at times. The thing that I struggle with the most with adopting an older child is that he already has issues and he has already been trained by someone else on how to act and I need to retrain him. Of course I try to build on what he has already been taught but I am amazed at how much he really does need help. When I first got him the family before has such a hard time though I did not have issues the same as they did I still have days that I wonder what was I thinking and then I remember all the wonderful things that have come to me because I took the challenge of being a mom.