Our Hearts

Sometimes we need to look deep into our heart to discover who we truly are. WE must look within and fix those things broken before we can fix those things without. We must purge ourselves of pride, as we do so we can begin to heal and be cleansed. Our heart is the source of love and kindness.

Friends

It is amazing what you can learn from your friends and the people around you. I have had some rather extraordinary friends in my life and every time I think of what I have learned from each of them I am humbled to have been so blessed.  There are those friends for life that I can call up at a moment’s notice and are always there with a non-judgmental ear. They are friends that take me as I am even when I am not perfect. Then there are those friends that I meet in passing and they didn’t really stick around long however they have taught me something that has changed my life. It’s as though they come into my life and instill a life lesson and they are gone.

We never know when we may touch someone’s life; it could be in an instant when we say something that is an answer to another person prayer or something that someone needed to hear. Many times we don’t even realize the impact we have. We should never underestimate our ability to touch someone’s life, because we can influence and lift someone every day.

My life is filled with people that I have come to love and admire; friends that I don’t know what I would do without. We all need each other; we are all struggling to find our way and we shouldn’t be struggling alone. What a great difference a smile or a kind word can make in someone’s life. You never know when you just might be an answer to someone’s prayer. Many of my friends, whether for life or just a brief moment, have been answers to my prayers.

Thanks to all those friends who have always been there and love me even when I fall short at times. Thanks to all those friends that have only been in my life for a brief time and have left foot prints on my heart.  

This Past School Year

If you were to ask me how last year went I would say that it was my hardest year by far when it comes to teaching. By the end of the school year I was burnt out and exhausted.  It has been two weeks now that I have been out of school and I still have not recovered. I remember that last day thinking “Oh my goodness, I don’t know how I did it but I survived the year.”  I don’t know if I can do another year like that again. I thought about all sorts of other options, working in a law office, becoming a private teacher, going back and getting my masters in math and curriculum so I can create math curriculum. When I went to school to be a teacher they don’t really teach all that is involved.  My first two years I had a lot of support, I had a great mentor who was next to me every step of the way, I felt lost those two years but there was always someone to fall back on. This year my mentor moved to another school, though I could call her anytime for help it was not the same.  

We also got a new principal and assistant principal and  so the expectations were different and some of the new expectations I was expected to know and understand however I had never really learned, so I felt a little lost and inadequate at times. I think the hardest expectation for me is to analyze data. I had done a lot of analyzing my first/second year however I looked at whole class and analyzed data from the whole class. This last year we were to analyze each student’s test and know where each student was struggling and I had 105+ students and it took me two days to correct the test and about a week to analyze each student’s test.  Then I created warm-ups and review sheets to help students master what they were struggling with. By the end I was so tired and exhausted and just plain worn out. I thought several times that if I work this hard I am sure that there is some other job that I could work just as hard and make much more money.  I wasn’t really teaching anymore just surviving.

My passion is teaching and when all I am doing is study guides and warm-ups I didn’t really want to be a teacher any longer. I guess I never have had the passion for reviewing and paper. I feel that real teaching is involved and individual; everyone is learning and being inspired in their own learning style. In order to have a learning environment you need to have a classroom where exploration is encouraged through games, movement, discussion and real life connections.

This past year I was also asked to be the 5^th grade team leader. I tried my best however I would have done so much better if I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I felt that I lead my team astray at times because I just didn’t know what I was doing. They were always very patent and understanding and now all I can do if laugh about all the silly mistakes I made. I worked with a great team.  I hope to get a chance to be a team leader again when I am more experienced and can offer more to a team.

There is only one way to look at this past year. I can do so much better next year. I surely learned a lot this year. I always seem to learn the most in hard situations. I am going to spend most of the summer preparing for the coming year, so I am ready for what will be thrown my way.

BEING A MOM

As a mother I often wonder if I am doing this right. I see how other parents are with their children and I want so badly to be a good mother. I often forget that I have only been a mother for a year and a half. I still have a lot to learn. I am hard on myself because I feel that because I am a teacher I should naturally know what to do. I never really had a great example from my own parents so I look around at what looks good and works for others and then try to implement it in my own life and when I see something better that is working well for someone else I try to change so that I can be the best parent I can be.

Today I was reading an article about children that have been adopted at an older age. It was very enlightening.  It really helped explain some things about my son that I did not understand are normal for children who are adopted at an older age. The article was called “Give Them Three Years” by Tami Razvi and Imran Razvi. It explained that children adopted at an older age are not at their developmental age and that as adopted parents we need to allow them to grow into their new life. Any child that has been “in need of a family, has gotten to that point only after experiencing some major trauma in his life.” The article went on to say that we adopted parents have expectations and when we see a 7 year old, or a 9 year old in my case, we expect them to act and respond in a manner that a 7 or 9 year old child should they may act younger and we need to allow them three years. What was interesting to me is the article suggested that these children need to go through an infant stage. First the child is not going to respond with love and gratitude. I remember before he came into my life, the family before me said that he has no attachment to anything and anyone. How true that was, he really didn’t feel connected to anything or anyone. He is getting better. Second, “parents should expect that their will be some things that happen in public in front of both friends and strangers that could be embarrassing because the child looks too old for that type of behavior.” Oh my goodness this happens all of the time. This is actually the hardest thing for me and it was good to hear that it is normal for children that have been adopted at an older age. I really get on my son a lot about his behavior in front of other people. Most times he is great when it is just he and I but you put other people into the mix than it is a whole new story. Sometime it can turn out to be dreadful.  Finally “infant type behaviors need to be allowed.” It is hard for me to allow my son to have infant behaviors. He has all the fears and anxieties of a younger child, in many instances he acts very young. The article said to give him three years and he will grow into his age he just needs to go through this infant stage. I am hoping that is correct. If it is I have another year and a half left. I have seen great changes already.  

I know that my son has been through a lot in his life. There are many things that I don’t even know about. Just moving from family to family has caused much trauma in his life. When life gets hard he wants a new family or he thinks I am going to give him up. I guess I can’t blame him for that, when life got really hard he moved to another family. I remember when my mom could not take care of him any longer he would go back home with my sister and when she couldn’t handle him he would go back to my moms. He jumped back and forth between my mom and my sister and about four years ago my brother and sister-in-law took him and because they had younger children they could not keep him. That is when the family before me got him. The family is an aunt of my sister-in-law. They had 6 other children all older than my son. He struggled there for many different reasons. When they could not handle him any longer I was called and they asked me to take him. I worked with this family and the State of Utah and he was here a week and a half later. My son has some rather large scars right now and those scars “must be healed in order for (him) to grow into a fully functional, healthy adult.” It is not going to happen overnight, nor is it going to happen in a year. It will take time and patience which sometimes I am limited especially when I am run down and tired. The reward in the end will be great if I do not give up, which is not in my nature.

Am I perfect mom? No, not at all, I fall short all of the time. I am trying to do the best I can with everything going on in life. I have been so blessed to have good people to help me be the best I can. Many have given me advice as I have come to them with questions and they have so kindly explained what works for them and how to implement it in my own life. It is not easy, but will it be worth it? Of course it will. Great things come when you take sacrifices to make them happen. 

College Right After High School

After I graduated from high school and before I moved to North Carolina, I went to Dixie Community College a year and a half. I actually went to school for design and business. Very few people know that about me. Design has always been fascinating to me, and still is. I loved my classes, they were so much fun, we created some fun things and I learned many things about the fashion and business world. Though I have always loved fashion, I have always knows it was never something that I was meant to do as a profession. Rather I just wanted to be fashionable and if you know me now you would wonder, “She took a fashion class??????” I know, I know, I am not as fashionable as I would like to be. I have learned that there are more important things that we need to be worried about.

When I was attending Dixie Community College, I was a club president for The Best Buddies Club. I really liked it; however it was a hard job. The college really put a lot effort into training me, they sent me to Florida for two weeks and I received some great training and I met some rather amazing people. With the training I was able to get the club working rather smoothly on campus. That year we were a thriving club and we did a lot of great things. If you don’t know what “Best Buddies” is let me tell you. It is a program where college students partnered (buddied) up with students with disabilities. The college students friended students with disabilities and they took them out into public and taught them how socialize with other people. Many people with disabilities didn’t get to go out unless they were with family. It was nice for them to get out with a peer. I remember teaching my buddy how to order food at a nicer restaurant and then how to eat. We were able to teach a lot of different things. Many of the buddies did not get out into society very often and so they did not know how to act or be around other people. We really did a lot of great things. I was really involved with the program for a year and after that I trained someone else and turned the program over to them and I got involved in other student body activities.

I was so involved and having too much fun that I slacked a little too much in my studies and I didn’t keep my grades up and ended up dropping out, or taking a break from college for a bit. I than moved to North Carolina soon after, I needed to get away from my family; I don’t remember what was going on at the time but I am sure it was crazy.

Never give up

Today I was sitting here thinking about all the wonderful things that I have in my life and all the things that I have had to go through to get here. Things in my life have not come easily, however I don’t think they come very easy for most people. I remember thinking a few years back “is this what my life is going to be, full of trails and hardships, and is there ever going to be a time that I won’t have to struggle?” Yesterday as I was driving to Houston I spoke with a friend of mine in New York and life for her these last few years have not been very easy. She asked me the same question that I have asked myself many time; “is this every going to end?” It really got me thinking about my own struggle to get to where I am now. My circumstances are so different today from what they were three, four or even five years ago, which makes my struggles different, but I still have hardships and difficult times. I truly feel our struggles, our trials and endurance of hardships is what shapes us into who we are and who need to be. As I was speaking with my friend I thought that maybe we go through things not only for our own growth but the growth of those around us. I have learned far more from helping others than I have ever learned from my own indulgences or even my own trials and difficulties. In fact, by helping others I can forget about my trials and struggles for a moment and in the end they do not seem as hard as I thought they were. As I was listening to my dear friend I understood her pain and I knew that if she kept moving forward no matter how hard it might be things would work out for her. Life does not always turn out the way we expect or the way that we want and sometimes the journey can be grueling and we may not see an end. The most difficult times in my life, times I thought I would not survive I come out of them stronger, with more faith and more understanding. I pray that my friend will stay strong even though things are difficult and I hope that everyone going through hard things will stay strong and keep moving no matter how difficult things may get. Never give up on yourself those around you and most importantly Heavenly Father. I have failed at many things and life did not turn out the way I had planned however I am not a failure because I never gave up on Heavenly Father and I never gave up on myself. Oh! How much I still have to learn and grow?

Being Determined vs. Being Stubborn

I have always been very driven, ever since I can remember. When I set my mind to something I do everything I can to achieve my goal. Most times it’s a strength; however there have been times that it has been a weakness. Everything in my life I have had to work very hard to obtain. Of course I have not done it alone; Heavenly Father always seems to be a step ahead of me putting people into my life to teach me something new or to help me along my way. There have been so many people who have been a saving grace for me and how grateful I am for each and every kind deed done to help me to become better. I would not be where I am today without the countless people who have helped along the way.

Too often I mix being driven and going after what I want with being stubborn. I can be hard headed at times and not as forgiving as I should. I can give countless examples of being stubborn. Anyone that knows me well, I am sure can think of a time when I have been very stubborn and hard headed. I hope I am getting better at not being so stubborn.

Looking back

What do I remember about high school? To be honest I don’t really think about high school much, it was a very dark time in my life. I really did not like high school at all and I guess that is one reason that I don’t talk or think about it very often. It has nothing to do with the people I went to school with but rather what was going on in my home at the time. When I look back which is not often. I think “wow there was some seriously bad things going on in my life and I have no idea how I kept it together, if even I did that.”

I was always very quiet and awkward. I never knew what to say and when I said anything I felt very uncomfortable around others, to be honest I felt very insecure about who I was. My sister was always the funny one, the one person that everyone wanted to hang out with. She could make you laugh your heart out at a moments notice. I never really built any strong lasting friendships from high school. Most people I wouldn’t even notice if I walked passed them at the store.

That time in my life seems like a dream because who I was then is far different then who I am now. That person in high school I don’t know anymore and haven’t known for a very long time. I know that there are pieces of that life that have come with me and have helped me to become what I am today. Every part of our lives helps build what we become, including the bad things in our lives as well as the good things.

My last year of high school my dad was put in jail and I was taken away from my family and put into a foster home. At the time it was devastating I felt that it was my fault for being in the circumstance that I was in; however going to the foster home, I came to the realization that there was something out there that was better for me. I could go after things I wanted and actually get them. Before, I never thought of all the possibilities. This new view of life opened a whole new world for me and it took me about a year before I realized that I needed to move very far away from my family and stay away.

A year after I graduated from high school, I moved to North Carolina which was another thing in my life that changed everything in my life. I met some of the greatest people that helped me to find myself and I had a ton of fun doing so. I have very good memories of North Carolina and all the great things that I was able to do while I was there. In North Carolina is where I able to experience this different life. In North Carolina is where I decided that I needed to serve a mission and start living my life in accordance with the truths of the gospel.

Teaching

I feel as though the only time I really write in my blog is after a few days of thinking about life and contemplating what I need to do next. This week I have been thinking a lot about teaching and about what I can do to help my students be successful.

I have been working very hard at school trying to get my students ready for STAAR. Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I am doing however I keep trying and hoping that what I try will work. This is a hard year for me so far. I feel like I am back in my first year again. I am learning many great things and I hope that it is making me a stronger teacher. I love teaching and wish I could make a greater impact on my students.

There are so many things that the youth of the world are facing right now. I know that many of my students are going through things that I can’t even imagine. I wish I had more time to sit down with my students and find out about them and let them know that there is a way out and in many cases it is through hard work and an education. I was one of those students 20 year ago that could not see beyond my life and through a miracle I was able to see past and move forward to something greater.

There are so many different demands on a teacher that there are times that we forget the more important things like a friendly smile and a kind word to our students. If there is one thing I would want my students to know is that I really do care about them and I don’t just care about their education, but rather their life and the things that are going on.

Change and Becoming

Change is something that is constantly happening in our lives, and for many people, including myself, change is not very easy. I have been thinking back on the past year and I see many things that I would like to change for this New Year. It is easy to see what we need to change however a bit harder to follow through. It would be great if we decided today to change and tomorrow we were changed. Unfortunately it does not work that way; if it did what would we ever really learn?

After thinking about change I asked myself the more important question “What do I want to become?” What we want to become helps us make choices so that we can become who we want to be.

Who do I want to become?

ü I want to become a greater example to others by the way I live my life.

ü I want to serve and love the people around me.

ü I would like to have a tender heart, to where I could listen to people and understand them even the things they are not saying.

ü I would like to be more grateful for everything and everyone in my life.

ü Overall, I would like to have a more Christ Centered Life.

Now that I know who I want to become, I need to make the necessary changes to be that person. This year I am going to work harder on listening to what people are saying. I use to be good at listening but I have gotten into the bad habit of listening with my ears however not really listening with my heart. I really love my friends, and I am so grateful for them. I feel that I take advantage of them all of the time and I never really tell them how grateful I am for them. It is hard to think back and see where someone did something special for you and at the time you were not as grateful as you should have been and you never got around to thanking them for the kind deed. I can truly say that I have several instances like this and to this day those friends still do not know how grateful I am for them. I guess that is something that I am going to have to change soon. I need to let those people know that I am grateful to them for all that they have done.

By living a more Christ Centered Life I need to only tweak and change a few things in my life now. Most times the changes we need are the little things and sometimes they seem to be harder to change then the big things in our lives. I think that is where I am now. I have the big things figured out however the little things need to be figured out. The little extra we can give here and there is what defines who we are. I need to give a little extra here and there. The great thing about putting the Lord first in your life is that you have the ability to fit everything in. I so often forget that and want to do every thing else first.

Christmas 2011

Christmas was very simple but grand. We really had a nice time with family and friends. This year was quite different from last year. Last year we did not have a tree and this year we were able to have a tree because of some very thoughtful people. One of my coworkers and friend had an extra tree and so we borrowed a tree from her family. Another friend from church brought over some ornaments. My son and I had a really great time decorating the tree; we made a whole evening out of it. We made a chain that went all around our tree. It was really a lot of fun setting it up and decorating.

My son got everything that he wanted and more. I tried to keep the real meaning of Christmas in my home. I really want my son to remember the the true meaning of Christmas so we did not make a big deal about Santa Claus and we talked a lot about Christ and why we celibate Christmas. I hope that he will carry it with him throughout the year and that we will be able to talk more and more about Christ and that he can have a greater understanding of the atonement, sacrifice and of course the birth of our Savior. It is not something that should only be remembered once a year.

For Christmas Eve we went to Galveston for Stroganoff for dinner. It tasted wonderful; it happens to be my favorite meal. Christmas we opened presents at our house then went to church. Church was really great, we had a wonderful message about the savior filled with beautiful music and so sacrament was filled with the Spirit of Christmas. After I went and took some gifts to some young women that were not at church and headed to Galveston and we opened our presents there. Then we spent the day relaxing, we stayed the night and my son was sleeping by 7:30pm, and I got to stay up and visit with my aunt and uncle. It was a lovely day. Then next day cousins came down and the kids played all day and I read most of the day and did some thinking about life and how blessed I have been.

This year we sent out Christmas Cards and we got a ton back which was really exciting. It was great to see how everyone was doing. It really seems that everyone is doing well, we all are having our struggles but we are all managing. It really made me grateful for what I have and that I am not alone. We are all dealing with things they may not be the same but no one is free of trials. It was really nice to hear from so many people and to see how they are doing?

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and that they were able to feel the true meaning of Christmas. I surely know that I really felt the true meaning of Christmas this year.

Top 10 moments of 2011

The Ferrin Family

Our TOP 10

moments of 2 0 1 1

10

I was called into the Young Women. I love the sisters I serve with. We have a lot of work to do but anything is possible if you believe. I have come to love the young women and am excited to see what the year will bring; hopefully great things.

9

I endured my first year as a mom and I am still alive and so is my son with only a few bumps and bruises. The first few months were an adjustment. Being a mom has helped me look at life in a completely new and exciting way. I love being a mom.

8

This summer when we were not traveling we had the opportunity to visit most of the museums and sites in Houston. My son had his friend came along so he would have someone to enjoy the sites with. Their favorite was the Space Museum.

7

I am teaching Fifth Grade Math again this year. I have four classes, each very different from the other. I was asked to be the Fifth Grade Head Chairman this year. It has brought on a whole new stress level; however we are managing quite well.

6

My son started guitar lessons in October and is doing rather well. He was given a guitar from Grandpa and Grandma and he is always playing it and showing me all the fun things he is learning.

5

We bought a new car in April. After researching and considering the different options we finally settled on a Mazda CX-7. It was within our budget and we love everything about it. It has been a great relief to know that we have a dependable car.

4

My son got on A/B Honor Role the last nine-weeks. He loves his classes however he has a tendency to talk a little too much. His teachers have been wonderful with him and are very patient and a great help.

3

We drove to St. George for a few days to celebrate my son's birthday; than drove to Salt Lake City for three weeks, we visited family and enjoyed sites. Stopped in New Mexico to visited family, stayed longer then expected. We had such a great time

2

My son's adoption was finalized on July 12, 2011, it was one of the greatest experiences I have had. Everyone should adopt. My son changed his name and he is rather proud of his new name.

1

We have enjoyed being with family and friends throughout the year. We are grateful for all the kindness and prayers that each of you have shared in our behalf. We hope each of you have a wonderful Christmas. We love you.

Thoughts

Sometimes I think of the past and think "could I have been that selfish" or "was I that involved in myself that I missed some of the greatest opportunities to share with some of my dearest friends?" Wow it is humbling to think of all the special memories I missed out on because I was too busy doing something else, worrying about things that did not mean near as much as spending an extra minute here and there with a friend. I always have so much on my mind, doing this and that, helping this person or that person. When what I needed to do is STOP and slow down and mentally not only physically be with the people I hold dear to my heart. I spend so much time thinking and worrying about the next thing I have to do, the next bill, the next math activity, the next training, the next... the list goes on and on. How many opportunities I have let pass by because I am not mentally in the present but rather thinking about the past or more often thinking about the future. I never meant for those I loved and cared about to think that I don't care about them or that they are of little importance. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change things; there surely would be many things that I would need to change. All I can do is learn and try not to do the same now. At least I am aware of my weakness the difficultly is actually changing. Yes I see where I am deficient the question is how do I change. I guess I have to start with a desire and that desire will work within me and with time and patience I will be better at stopping and slowing down and being more available emotionally and mentally to those that I really care about. I do care about people I just don't show it they way that I should, by listening and understanding. I am always so quick to give advice or to put my two cents in. How selfish I can be at time? That is something I am going to work on this year to be more available for those I care about and to focus more on what they are saying and not what I want to say in response to what they are saying. Most people just need someone to listen not someone to tell them what to do and how to do it.

Live Life

I was doing some thinking this evening and talking with a friend. I have really felt free to live my life the last few months. I have forgotten what it feels like to live your life. I have spent so much time waiting for things to happen and because of that I have missed out on some great opportunities. I don't know what happened, I just woke up one day and decided that I did not want to waist any more time waiting for life to happen. If we sit around and wait for things to come they will never come and life will go on without us and we will miss a great opportunities will be missed because we are waiting and not doing.

Things happen for a reason in our lives. Sometimes we may not understand why things are the way they are however whenever we look back on life experiences we thought we would never get through and we made it through and we are better people for it. Life can be very interesting.

What Matters Most

I spoke on What Matters Most on Sunday.

There seems to be so much that matters to me. I have been so very blessed in my life. The thing that matters most would be my relationship with my Heavenly Father. There have been so many times in my life that I didn't have anyone else to depend on except him. I also know that my life is the way it is because he loved me so much to lead me to certain people and places where I was able to get the help that I needed. My relationship with Heavenly Father at times has not been the greatest because of my own selfishness and pride. There have also been times that I have depended on other people to help me more, when I should have been depending on Heavenly Father more. How prideful we can be at times. I sure have had my share of pride. Sometimes I feel I know what is best for me when in-fact it may not be the best.

The second thing that is most important to me is my son. I can't tell you how important he is in my life. I know that raising children and teaching them the best ways is what matters more then anything worldly. How having a family of your own changes your view of what is most important? I have never really had good examples of making the family the first priority, however I have learned from watching others families and leader that I have admired that family has to come before the worldly things. Yes, it is important to have a job so that you can support your family and survive but in the end the thing that matters most is that you have time to spend with your family letting them know that you love them. I try every day to spend valuable time with my son. There are times that things are so crazy that the only time we get together is sitting and reading for 1/2 hour and working on homework. I think that reading time and study time with my son has become the most enjoyable time. It is a time that is relaxing and a time that we are together and all my attention in on him giving him what he needs. I also love that he will tell me stories about his day and talk about what is going on in his life. When he is older those times are the ones I am going to remember. Those are going to be the times that I look back on.

The third thing that matters is other people. Being able to serve others is a wonderful blessing. It has been something that I have always loved doing. It really helps me when I am feeling down. It gives us great power when we are willing to serve others. I have been greatly blessed when I have had the opportunity to help someone else. One of the great things that service does for me is get my mind off myself and helps me to be more grateful for what I have.

There are so many things that matter in my life. It is just what I decide is more important, what are priorities. I try to keep my priorities in check, however there are times I slip up and do something less important because I am tired or just feel I deserve a break. I am learning however that life is moving so fast that we really don't have to take a break. We need to continually moving forward, if we are not we will be left behind.

Moving to Texas

Trusting inspiration even when it does not make since, seems to be the story of my life. I can't say how many times I have received inspiration that made very little since and as I followed it great things happened.

Moving to Texas is one of those things that I did not want to do and did anyway because it felt right. I knew that if I moved to Texas that I would be very successful. I just had this really good feeling that I could find a job and that my life would eventually smooth out to something great. The hardest part about moving was leaving the people I loved behind. I came to Texas no matter how much I did not want to leave those that I cared about and I had come to depend on, I still left. Two weeks after I got to Texas I lost everything in Ike. It was a bit of a shock. I tried my best to be strong however there were times that I was not as strong as others thought I was. I tried to look at the positive side which helped me get through it in the end. I just figure that God wanted me not only to start in a new place but he wanted me to start completely over and to depend on him. I really didn't have much as so I had no other choice than to humble myself and let others help me. I look back now and I see all the miracles that came from the move and loosing everything. I have received far more then I ever lost.

Since the move to Texas I have thought long and hard about going back to New York, and every time I do I get this uneasy feelings. This feeling that it would not be the right thing to do. I can't tell you what my life would have been like if I stayed there. It may have turned out just fine however things would have been different. I also don't think that it would have been very easy to get a job as a teacher and I would have probably gone back to school to get my masters because I couldn't find a job. Maybe I wouldn't have been prepared to be a mother. I don't really know for sure what would have happened there are so many directions a life can take. Every step we take, takes us down a certain path and the little steps matter just as much as the big ones.

The Adoption

July 12, 2011

We had been in Utah for about two weeks and things went smoothly. My sister gave up her parental rights. She later told me that she was thinking about not giving custody, until she saw the two of us together and she knew that she no longer had a relationship with him. Which in itself was another miracle of going to Utah. After she gave up her parental right the lawyer called and we set up a time to meet with the judge. The day that was set up to meet the judge was July 12, 2011. We got to the the courtroom at about 10:15 and the family that had my son before he got to me came and my sister-in-law came. I met with the lawyer and we went into the court room. My son was a little nervous and at the same time really excited. The judge came in and the adoption lasted about ten minutes. I answered all the questions and the judge declared me the legal parent of my son. We changed my sons name to Ferrin and he was very exited about that. After the adoption the judge came down from the stand and we had the opportunity to take pictures with him. It was a very exciting day. I felt so relieved that no one could take him away. It was something I was a bit worried about and I think that is why I was so concerned that his mom could take him back and now I do not have the worry. Now my worry is whether I will be a good enough mother or not. I surely try but it is hard to be a single mom at times. The thing that I struggle with the most with adopting an older child is that he already has issues and he has already been trained by someone else on how to act and I need to retrain him. Of course I try to build on what he has already been taught but I am amazed at how much he really does need help. When I first got him the family before has such a hard time though I did not have issues the same as they did I still have days that I wonder what was I thinking and then I remember all the wonderful things that have come to me because I took the challenge of being a mom.

What we accomplished while in Utah?

Going to Utah was not in my summer plans and when I decided to go I was not looking forward to going. I had been trying to get a hold of the lawyer for two months and she was not calling me back and I was getting a bit worried about the adoption. I knew that if my son was not adopted by the end of the summer that it would be very difficult to do it during the year. I also had a feeling that everything wasn't right. At first I thought that I just had to be patient and wait for a miracle to happen and well that was not the right thing to do in this situation I needed to work hard to make it possible. Sometimes there are things in our lives that just happen and we wonder how could it have happened so quickly and so perfectly and we didn't have to do anything at all. Then there are other times that we have to work hard to make things happen. Getting my son was one of those don't have to do anything and everything just happens situations. Well the making the adoption final was a little different. I had to follow the spirit and work hard to make sure that what needed to happen, happened.

I was driving back from Houston and I got this overwhelming feeling that I needed to go to Utah. I just was hoping it was just a thought but it would not go away and then I knew that it was what I needed to do and I went to institute and the feeling would not go away and so I left about 8 hours later. My sister just happened to have a friend in New Mexico that needed a ride back to St. George. He was willing to pay 1/2 of my trip up and so I jumped on that opportunity. It was kind of a miracle. We drove all night and into the day and all night and 33 hours later I was in St. George. Before I left I called the lawyer and told her that I was going to be in Utah and that I wanted to meet with her when I got there. She called me back about an hour later; she asked me why I was coming to Utah and I told her that I was a bit concerned that I had been calling her and she had not called me back. She informed me that she had been calling my sister and she could not get a hold of her. I asked her to call my sister in about 5 minutes after I got off the phone and I would call my sister to let her know that she was calling and so my sister and the lawyer where able to catch each other. They set some things up. When I got to St. George the lawyer called me and she said that she will get things set up for my sister to sign her parental rights away. I made an appointment to meet with her in about four days from the time I got there. The lawyers office was in Provo and so I needed to drive up there.

I stayed in St. George until the morning of my meeting. The lawyer called while I was driving to Provo to meet her at 2:30pm and she informed me that my sister would be appearing before the judge to sign her rights away at 2:00pm that day so by the time I got to the lawyers office the papers should be signed. So I got to the lawyers office and she signed the papers and the lawyer was wonderful. She asked how long I would be around and I told her that I would be around as long as she needed. She said that she might be able to get me in to see a judge and we could finalize the adoption before I left back to Texas. I could hardly believe that it was that easy. She called me a few day later and said that she set up a time to meet with the judge. I met with the lawyer the day before and they explained what would go on in the court room and some of the questions that would be asked. I felt very prepared. The next day I went to the court room and met the judge and before I knew it the adoption was final and I was legally a mom.

e left for Utah and less then two days later we were in Utah. I got in about 9am and the lawyer called about 2 hours later. I had called her and told her that I was going to be in Utah and that I would like to meet with her. She asked me why I was coming to Utah and I told her that I had been trying to get a

To Utah We Go!

Over the summer I was hoping to make my way to New York to see some dear friends and when I realized how much it would cost I decided to stay in Texas and take my son to all the museums in Houston. I bought citi-passes for my son a friend of my son's and myself and we explored Houston. It was really quite fun and it kept us very busy. We went to all sort of different places. The space museum at NASA then the aquarium which we played in a whole lot of water. We went to the zoo and explore all the fun animals. We went to the children's museum, the museum of natural history, and art museum. I took my son to see the symphony which I loved and he did to, which I was a bit surprised by. Utah was not in the plan at all. One afternoon we were driving home from the North Side of Houston and I got this feeling that I should go to Utah, and I thought to myself NO WAY! The last thing I wanted to do was go to Utah and if I did plan to go anywhere it would be New York. The feeling was so strong and it would not go away, then I knew that it was very important for me to go, and that moment I did not know how important. I prayed and really pondered and the feeling just would not leave me. I talked to my son about going and he was really excited, however I was a little nervous. Sometimes it is difficult to follow impressions especially when you can't see the whole picture. It takes trust and faith and I knew that my family in Galveston would think that I was crazy for getting up and going. To be honest, it I had not received such a powerful impression I would have thought I was crazy too. I packed all my sons things and my things and we left at about 12:00am and drove to New Mexico picked someone at 4:00pm and we drove the rest of the way to Utah and got there about 9:00am. The drive took us about 30 hours. It was such a very long drive and I was grateful we did not have an accident. My son was an amazing little boy and he was so pleasant to drive with. It is difficult to stay occupied in a car for 30 hours and he did a very good job, probably far better then I would have done if I was his age.

The process of buying a car

Buying a car for me was a huge thing. I got out of debt, besides my student loans, in October of 2010 and so getting a car was hard because I didn't want to get a back into debt once again. I had a car, but it had some serious problems and I was afraid that one day it would be die and I would never be able to revive it. I thought about buying a car for months before I actually bought one. I research different cars and different ways of financing a car. I talked with financial counselors and bank attendants about the best way to finance a car. Of course banks wanted me to go through them and credit unions wanted me to go through them and so I looked at the interest and I talked to a few people I knew at church who were financially smart. I decided the best way to go was through a credit union, and then I had to figure out what credit union I would go through. You would be amazed at all the different credit unions there are and they all seemed quite good. After a few weeks of looking at the options I decided to join The Gulf Coast Educators Credit Union. I am a teacher and it made since to go to a credit union that was especially for teacher. I think it was one of the greatest moves I ever made. I can't tell you how much more I like being part of a credit union then a bank. Once I got things settled there and a savings started I started looking at cars. I knew that I wanted a crossover, something that would be big enough to carry camping gear and a bike but small enough that I did not have to spend a fortune on gas. I test drove all sorts of crossovers but none of them were in my price range. Then I drove a Mazda CX-9 which I loved. It was a little bigger then what I wanted and it was a little out of my price range, not much but enough to not be interested. I got on line and started looking around at different Mazda CX-9 to see if I could find on in my price range, while I was doing that I came across a Mazda CX-7 and it was in my price range and it was the size that I wanted. I didn't go out immediately and buy one. I went and spoke the financial counselor at the credit union and we talked about all the possibilities and I went home and thought about everything and then I went out and actually started test driving some CX-7s to make sure that it was really want I wanted. I waited about another month and after the month I was still interested and I went back to the credit union and got everything set up and I went on line and looked at all sorts of different CX-7 and I found one in the color that I wanted and I went and test drove it. When I had decided that was the CX-7 I wanted it, I took it in to be looked over by someone I trusted. I could not afford to buy a lemon, when everything checked out I went back, worked with the bank and the dealer, and I picked up the car two days later. I love it! It is a simple car but it looks nice and does the job I need it to do. Overall it took me about 5 months to get everything figured out and set up to buy a car because I was so nervous about getting back into debt and being taken advantage of and I am so grateful that I did because I learned a lot of great things. Don't ever finance with a car dealer, don't give a down payment, don't use a trade in on a car and the best way to finance a car is through a credit union.