Sunday, March 24, 2013

Being a Mom


People can be very judgmental and hurtful at times.

 I am going to talk about being a mom and some about my son. Most parents get to raise their children from infancy and get to shape who they will become. I did not have that choice with my son. I feel many times instead of shaping I am reshaping and reteaching, which seems to be far harder. I got a young man at age eight who has been tossed from one person to another. He has been hurt by the very people who should have loved and protected him. How do you repair that? I am trying my hardest to figure it out. I have done my share of praying and fasting for direction on what I can do to help.

I can’t tell you why, when we come home at night I have to go through the house to make sure no one is in the house before mys on will step in the door. I can’t tell you why he won’t go into a bathroom if the shower curtain is closed or the light is off. I can’t tell you why he can’t go to sleep unless he knows all the doors are locked and that I am in the other room. I don’t know why at times he looks so sad. The list goes on of things I can’t tell you about my son. 

Sometimes out of the blue something will happen and my son will freak out and I have no idea why or what may have triggered it and we deal with them as they come. I try to talk him through it, working on trying to figure out what is going on and many (most if not all) times he doesn't even know why he is angry, upset, or freaking out, which makes it very hard to know what to do. It is hard to fix something if you don’t know why it is broken. 

On top of all this, my son is a typical 10 year old boy, testing the water, seeing if he can get away with something. Sometimes I have no idea what I am supposed to do and I feel lost. I do know that most parents greatest fear is that they will mess their child up, that is mine as well, however I have the fear that I am not going to be able to repair the damage done.

I can’t tell you how many times my son asks me if I would go back to the judge who adopted us and ask him to change it, or he will ask if I feel like I made a mistake by adopting him. I have never, never felt that it was a mistake by taking my son. I know I made the right choice and I knew it would not be easy. Do I ever think about how things might be if I did not say I would take him? Of course I do, and yes my life would be SO much easier, however I am a better person because of my son and my decision to become a mom. I love my son with all my heart and I wouldn't change the decision I made to become his mom. 

Please don’t judge me for being a mom, and please don’t judge my son. He has been through things that no parent would want their child to have to endure. I have only had my son for two years and we are working very hard to repair the damage done. It is going to take time and he has already come a long way. 

If you have something hurtful or judgmental to say please don’t, and instead give a hand or a kind word of love.