Being Determined vs. Being Stubborn

I have always been very driven, ever since I can remember. When I set my mind to something I do everything I can to achieve my goal. Most times it’s a strength; however there have been times that it has been a weakness. Everything in my life I have had to work very hard to obtain. Of course I have not done it alone; Heavenly Father always seems to be a step ahead of me putting people into my life to teach me something new or to help me along my way. There have been so many people who have been a saving grace for me and how grateful I am for each and every kind deed done to help me to become better. I would not be where I am today without the countless people who have helped along the way.

Too often I mix being driven and going after what I want with being stubborn. I can be hard headed at times and not as forgiving as I should. I can give countless examples of being stubborn. Anyone that knows me well, I am sure can think of a time when I have been very stubborn and hard headed. I hope I am getting better at not being so stubborn.

Looking back

What do I remember about high school? To be honest I don’t really think about high school much, it was a very dark time in my life. I really did not like high school at all and I guess that is one reason that I don’t talk or think about it very often. It has nothing to do with the people I went to school with but rather what was going on in my home at the time. When I look back which is not often. I think “wow there was some seriously bad things going on in my life and I have no idea how I kept it together, if even I did that.”

I was always very quiet and awkward. I never knew what to say and when I said anything I felt very uncomfortable around others, to be honest I felt very insecure about who I was. My sister was always the funny one, the one person that everyone wanted to hang out with. She could make you laugh your heart out at a moments notice. I never really built any strong lasting friendships from high school. Most people I wouldn’t even notice if I walked passed them at the store.

That time in my life seems like a dream because who I was then is far different then who I am now. That person in high school I don’t know anymore and haven’t known for a very long time. I know that there are pieces of that life that have come with me and have helped me to become what I am today. Every part of our lives helps build what we become, including the bad things in our lives as well as the good things.

My last year of high school my dad was put in jail and I was taken away from my family and put into a foster home. At the time it was devastating I felt that it was my fault for being in the circumstance that I was in; however going to the foster home, I came to the realization that there was something out there that was better for me. I could go after things I wanted and actually get them. Before, I never thought of all the possibilities. This new view of life opened a whole new world for me and it took me about a year before I realized that I needed to move very far away from my family and stay away.

A year after I graduated from high school, I moved to North Carolina which was another thing in my life that changed everything in my life. I met some of the greatest people that helped me to find myself and I had a ton of fun doing so. I have very good memories of North Carolina and all the great things that I was able to do while I was there. In North Carolina is where I able to experience this different life. In North Carolina is where I decided that I needed to serve a mission and start living my life in accordance with the truths of the gospel.